That dull calamity

So this is where it ends, in solitude picking up the pieces as best I can, which isn’t very good at this point. I push myself to do something, anything: I do, therefore I am.

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self-portrait, flash and mirror. I’m in there somewhere

I go down into the rough, old, stone-foundation basement of this old farm house to do some clean-up. I’m trying to pick up where I left off more than two years ago when we bought this place, before everything, finally, went wrong.

There was a “we” then. Now there’s just a “me.” And that’s not enough anymore. “What dreams may come” indeed. Continue reading

Bad news, or a gift?

Something happened yesterday, quite unexpected, and initially very upsetting. Maybe it still is; but I’m trying to process it in an open-minded way, rather than accept it as simply disastrous news and let it get me all down and discouraged.

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One must read the signs

An update. As of today, the news I got isn’t as bad as I thought it was yesterday when I got the mail, and then when I made a phone call to a government office that seemed to confirm a “worst case scenario.” But another phone call to the same office this morning, and a conversation with a different “agent” put it in a much better light.

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Shakespeare and my father remembered

I wish my father were here today, to do justice to the 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare’s death. No man ever loved English literature more, and Shakespeare most of all.shakespeare

My father would be more than 90 now if he had lived to see this day. I have no doubt at all he would still be able to recite the immortal soliloquies from the great plays, and other memorable passages.

They were that engraved in the fabric of his soul, an integral part of the man he was, so much so that, so long as he could take another breath, nothing could erase them. For all I know, he may be reciting Shakespeare at this eternal moment somewhere in Paradise.

Or maybe he was there just now, standing beside me, looking over my shoulder as I searched the web for the King’s “band of brothers” speech in Henry V, to refresh my memory. Continue reading

No more betrayals

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Remembrance Day wreaths laid at the National Aboriginal Veterans Monument, 2014

When I moved almost 37 years ago to the Bruce Peninsula – formerly known as the Saugeen, or Indian Peninsula – I naively believed Aboriginal people should be treated as equal citizens of Canada. The year was 1979, 10 years after the now-infamous “white paper,” formally called the Statement of the Government of Canada on Indian Policy.

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Don’t ignore your dreams

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I was awakened a couple of times through the night by a vivid, troubling dream – a nightmare full of anxieties about not being able to do anything because there was too much to do, not knowing even where to start, and then having my most precious equipment stolen right before my dream eyes.

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The tragedy of wasted visions

 

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It happened many years ago. I wasn’t a man yet, maybe I’m still not, in the spiritual sense; and I believe that is what matters most, regarding our growth and development as beings alive in the world for what is, after all, a very short time.

So, whatever time I may have left, even if it’s just this present moment, I must use to set that right.

I’ve had plenty of time and even opportunity. I may even have been offered the very important gift of a mentor, or guide, early on who could have helped me understand what happened that night.

If I had had some sense of how important it was that there should be such people among us, to help young people find their way I might have been more likely to take hold of the gift of them for dear life and found my path.

But I didn’t. I let them go unrecognized. I didn’t have a clue. I was a fool. But then I wasn’t born and raised in a culture that understood the importance of such things, I might say, by way of excuse.

And sadly, tragically, that’s still true for yet another generation of young people in our world.

And we wonder why so many are so desperately lost that they are throwing their lives away in vain pursuits of one sort or another, sometimes with terrible consequences for many others; or just throwing their lives away, period. What a terrible waste. Continue reading

What happened to spring?

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April 6, 2016, Cathedral Drive Farm

What happened to spring?

It was here in little Hope Ness a few weeks ago. I was all set to disconnect the snow-blower from Mr. Massey Too, take the winter tires off the van, and the storm windows off the house, and maybe even get some peas and potatoes planted. It’s the second week of April, after all; I’ve done it before by now.

But winter came back. The ground is covered with snow again, the overnight temperature went down to -13 (Celsius) a few nights ago. It’s supposed to go down to -10 tonight, and the forecast for the next few days isn’t that much better.

I declared if officially spring, right here in this blog days before the vernal equinox in these parts because it was so warm for so many days and the snow cover was almost completely melted away. But this, now, is more like the middle of winter than the beginning of spring. Today the sun is shining; that’s about the only consolation. And spring has to come, doesn’t it, surely? (I know, your name’s not surely.)

What happened? Continue reading

My good friend, Sergei

I’ve had some good friends in my life. They have stood by me in thick and thin, never judging, never putting me down, and always reassuring me I’m okay, in a way I can’t begin to explain . . . well, on second thought maybe I can. It’s like this: if I can say to my really good friend, Sergei, “I get it, I understand what you’re saying, I feel your pain, and your joy,” then it affirms something about me, as well as him.

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